somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
