Don't make out with my wife yet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
