New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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