She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
