mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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