So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
