somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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