If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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