Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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