Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
