I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
