i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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