FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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