Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
