I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize