Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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