all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
