HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
