so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize