He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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