dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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