but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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