I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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