I need help removing her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
