the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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