the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
