I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
