$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
