I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
