4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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