So drunk, too bad you don't want this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Terrible idea I love it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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