Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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