dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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