The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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