my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
