you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
