i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it penis luge time yet?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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