Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
