a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
