I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
