it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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