My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
