Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
