Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
