It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
