hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
