I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
