hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
