Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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