She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
