I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
