I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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