dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize