I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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