im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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