I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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