He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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