but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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