I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize