the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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