You made me cry and you don't even care
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
