I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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