So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
