I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your penis caused this!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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