Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
