All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
