If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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