If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
