You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
