you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
