i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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