the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
