Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
