Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
