"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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