im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Damn victory sex feels great
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
