It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
