pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
did i just pee glitter
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