u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
