I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
