Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
