sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
