Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
