i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
