i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
