I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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