we're blogging at a bar
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
