Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize