You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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